I hadn’t yet fully come to realize how I had felt about what had happened, so having a bit of extra time to process it all was just what I needed. I wanted some time to myself, but couldn’t find the right way to ask Lucy to leave, so I just tried to keep myself busy. Walking around the kitchen, I could see the half-spoiled groceries that had outworn their welcome on the counter near my stove. There were several bananas that were more brown than yellow and a green pepper that was beginning to rot in the center and turn a deep black color.
I pulled the silver guitar pick out of my pocket and rolled it over several times in my fingers, hoping that I would suddenly be illuminated with its true meaning, but nothing came. I had been waiting so long to find meaning through music that I can’t say if I was closer than before or not. I could tell that debating this subject on my own would not get me anywhere.
Anything I have experienced up to this point in my life has never been worth it if I only got to live through it once. Each day that comes to me through the gift I have been given is truly a blessing. Once is never enough for that which brings joy that courses through my veins and insides. Perhaps what I feared most from this whole experience is that it was a one time affair. I am not sure I am ready to live with that realization.